A Boring Day in the Tower
by PoFangurl
Summary: Saruman has absolutely nothing to do, no missions from Sauron, no friends to invite over, no books to read. He is bored to death, until Gandalf pays a visit...


It was a long and boring day for Saruman. Sauron didn't need him to do anything and he couldn't invite any friends over because, well, he didn't have any friends in the first place. So he laid in his bed, thinking about whatever came to his head. The last meal he ate, what Sauron would order next, and eventually women. He started to imagine the most beautiful elven chick ever, with the biggest boobs and a lean figure. Saruman checked to see if the door was closed, and grabbed some lotion. His penis became erect and grew to 14 inches. Then he started jerking off, starting off slow but getting faster and faster with the second. Eventually he was beating ol' slappy so rapidly it slightly hurt, but the pain was worth it. He could feel a discharge coming and got excited. Just a few more seconds…..

"Saruman, you have commited crimes against the free peoples of Middle Earth. What do you say in you-Oh god are you masturbating?!"

It was Gandalf the Gray, interrupting the violent fapping. "God dammit Gandalf why the fuck do you have to come here every week. This time you interrupted my alone time. I was just about to cum too!" Saruman yelled furiously. "I'm tired of your bullshit! DIE!" He conjured up a sword and charged at Gandalf. "YOU SHALL NOT PASS" Gandalf yelled, and with a simple thunk on the ground with his staff Saruman was paralyzed in his current position. Suddenly he realized he still had the 14 inch boner. _Dammit, this is embarrassing!_ Saruman thought.

"You are to be taken to the Stormwind Stockades, where you will be kept until your trial on Tirdas 4th of Hearthfire. " Gandalf said

"But in Stormwind they only let prisoners have one loaf of bread a week! I'll die without my diabetes medications!" Saruman whined.

"Well sucks to be you. I'm only being paid to take you there, your punishment and living conditions are up to Elrond." Gandalf answered.

"Wait, you're only doing this for pay? If I pay you more will you let me be?" Saruman asked. He was ready to do anything as long as it meant staying out of the Stockades.

"Yes, Elrond promised me a blowjob if I take you to him. I wouldn't let you be unless we had full on sex, which I know you won't do because you're straight.."

_I should just get this over with. _"If it means my freedom and access to diabetes meds, I'll fuck you. Just don't think that I'm into you or anything. Saruman blushed, literally turning his face into a tomato, Gandalf's favorite fruit. Gandalf grew a hard one seeing a tomato person and immediately tackled Saruman and started French kissing him, occasionally taking a bite out of the tomatoey goodness. Saruman was afraid to admit it, but deep inside he enjoyed it. He zoned out for awhile until he felt Gandalf giving him a hickey. Saruman let out an involuntary moan. Then he realized what he wished he realized a long time ago: He was gay. And there was a man on top of him. Suddenly Saruman pushed Gandalf off, switching positions and ripped off his robes, revealing a worn out crusty asshole. It reeked of marijuana and onions, but Saruman didn't seem to care as he stuck a sword in there. Gandalf screamed in agony as the blade cut up his insides. "Oh quit being a pussy" Saruman said with one hand on the sword, another on his cock. It didn't take long for Gandalf to die but Saruma didn't seem to care. He pulled the sword out of Gandalf's bloody buttholio, and put his throbbing 14 incher in its place. What happened next was what any male creature would instinctually do: Start humping. After about 30 seconds of humping Saruman orgasmed, turning the butthole into a crusty bloody worn out cummy butthole. He relaxed for a while, kissing Gandalf's corpse until his little soldiers came back. Then he prepared for another round of buttfucking when his door came crashing down. "Laddeh, how could you have a shrekin without inviting me?" the visitor said. Saruman turned towards his door to see who it was. Holy shit it was Shrek, naked with a 420 mile long boner. Saruman did what any good man would do. "Sorry my ogrelord, you may have a go at both of our anuses if you'd like" he said, bending ogre. Shrek grew 2 dicks, both longer than the other and penetrated both Saruman and Gandalf. "Check yourself before you shrek yourself! He yelled, shreking both old men hardcore. It didn't take long for Shrek to ogreasm, and when he did he let loose a mighty ogre roar that shook the foundations of the tower. Onion sauce came bursting out of the dicks and into the buttholes. Saruman fainted from the glory of the scene.

Hours later he woke up, still naked but with no dead Gandalf or Shrek. _Is it ogre?_ He noticed a small box made of swamp wood. He opened it up, inside was an onion and a note that said:

_It's not ogre until I say it's ogre._

_-Shrek_


End file.
